Life as an Extreme Sport

$335. April 13 – 17. Alaska, here I come!

I can’t believe I actually bought the ticket – and I can’t believe how bad I was, thinking “well, for only $165 more…” Eeesh. I can be singularly focused! But still, I bought the ticket. I remember when it would be too expensive for me to visit Jenna with any frequency, and this was back when I was making more money than now, and had a second income supplementing mine. What happened???

Wheee! I am *so* excited to see Jenna, to see her house, to see her parents and everyone else. It’s going to be fun. I’m not going to want to leave without folding Jenna into my luggage and bringing her back with me – thankfully for her, I understand that she has arthritis, and wouldn’t attempt to do that. But I’m still going to *want* to.

Oh! Excited!

She answers the phone, knowing it is me. And she listens, even tho it causes her pain. She supports me, encourages me, grounds me to reality when I need it, and elevates me to the clouds when I am too serious. When I thought I couldn’t make it, couldn’t go on, when I just wanted to crawl to a corner and die of pain and grief, she refused to let me. Wehn I thought there must be something wrong with me, she assured me I was sane. She has seen me thru abuse and separation, helped me heal from the damage inflicted. She has seen me fall in love, she stood by my side as I married, and she held me when that marriage fell apart. She refused to let me stop, she stayed with me while I mourned. She loved me when I felt unloved, and unlovable.

And then she held my hand as I took a few scared steps. And she told me I could fly, and when I didn’t listen she pushed me off the cliff… and I flew. And she has stayed with me as things have turned around, as I have flown and soared – a home of my own, new friends, new job, new love. She has stayed and listend and consoled and advised, laughed and supported and cried and raged and loved – all while going thru her own personal nightmares.

I know my happiness hurts her, and she still answers the phone.

I love her.

I don’t know how I feel.

Sad. Happy. Angry. Relieved.

It’s over. A year long love affair, passionate and volatile. And now, gone.

_____

Subject: There’s A Sad Sort Of Clanging From The Clock In The Hall…
Date: Wed, 21 Mar 2001 19:29:51 -0800

A bit of random trivia… I was sick one summer, housebound. This was the summer my little sister decided that she *had* to watch The Sound of Music *every* day, at least three times a day. This is not something I recommend; there is only so many times you can hear “I am sixteen going on seventeen” before you’re ready to do severe bodily harm. But I always remember the song ‘So Long, Farewell’ whenever it’s time to say large goodbyes. Like this.

My year at Microsoft has come to an end; I’ve packed up my office, cleaned out my computer and handed in my badge. The only thing left is this… and I suck at saying goodbye. So, just quickly… thank you all for making my last year here so much fun. I knew coming to Microsoft would be a learning experiance (and many of you have been great teachers), but I never expected this to be such a fun place to work. Thanks for taking the time to teach me new things, for having patience when you had to say it two or three times, and for playing as hard as you work (and including me in both).

So,… “so long, farewell, auf Wiedersehen, goodbye. Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye.”

-Kelly

Today was incredble. Work was… wow. I feel at home there. Everyone is friendly and kind, and they give me things! Friday they took me out with them for Happy Hour; today I come to work and find a laptop – Dell Inspiron 4000 – waiting for me. With a wireless card! And webcams! And oh by the way *take it home*. Use it as your personal machine. Install games, play. And we use MSN to talk, you have to install it. And play with the webcam. And we’re taking you out to lunch…

It was overwhelming, all in a wonderfully good way. I’m going to be comfortable here!