…in absolutely nothing related to academia except for the request to keep things easy to style and able to look professional, I got my hair cut today. It’s the shortest it’s ever been, and I really quite like it. We’ll see how I like it after a few days of styling.
I have been thinking about the fact that my identity is so tied in to having had long hair. I’ve always had long hair, my first long-term boyfriend would regularly brag about its length and colour, and my ex-husband thought it was my best feature. For various reasons, largely pertaining to other people’s preferences, I’ve simply always kept it long. (I did change the colour once – I went to a sort of strawberry red, although the desire had been a vibrant red. It was okay, but I think I prefer blonde.)
When I went to the stylist today, I went from “I’m getting a trim” to “do whatever, I just want a change” – and I got that change.
There’s a weird mental shifting going on, as though my identity is morphing. (Well, point of fact, my identity has been under a constant, fluid shift for over a year, but this is a weird feeling of internal shifting happening in real time, as opposed to realizing a few months past that there’s been a change.) I have a powerful urge to reread Maalouf’s In the Name of Identity….
And I’m vain and hate the idea of the last photo of me up on the internet being a tired, end of week, no stylin of the hair, no makeup, show the bags under my eyes pictures.
So to make myself feel better,
Kelly, wow, you look so different! I mean, it’s really stylish, but wow!
Identity is always morphing, the only constant that gives a sense of self is the direction and pace of the change. You might be riding a steeper-than-usual acceleration curve that just makes you more aware of it right now. Enjoy the ride; make sure you land somewhere nice.
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