Is My Life Bugged?
This cracked me up. Someone else might not have quite appreciated the humour in the same way… But I swear to god, I don’t know the author of this comic!
Author: Kelly
it’s always darkest before dawn
It’s sometimes hard for me to wrap my head around the idea that someone might see me as worth it. That I alone and in myself might be worth an effort, a risk. That I am more than a body holding a space for someone else, someone better. That the swirls of emotions and desires are things that I cause, rather than things I am a convenient outlet for. This…lack of belief in myself can cause problems, can pair with my doom and gloom to assume the worst while still holding out faint hope, just with the assurance it will be crushed.
I don’t know what to do in the face of it not being crushed, other than spread my arms wide and spin, ever so slowly; to sink to my knees in wonder; to awe that how I feel is a feeling returned.
there is always space between the lines
I doom and gloom well. I’m aware of that; my goth disposition, I suppose. But I also try to do things that scare me, like taking deep breaths and placing faith and trust in external sources, things, people. Which is around where I’m at right now – a lot of faith and trust in someone else’s hands, with fevered whisperings of prayers, wishes, whatever, that it will be okay. That the right choice can be scary, but that fear is often just overcoming the conditioned self-preservation that other people ground into us in the first place.
Fear is illogical, fear is the mindkiller… fear is the thing we should use against the person who’s caused it, not people after, who were never involved. Don’t punish the innocent for other’s mistakes.
Good theory, anyhow.
I hate waiting. I hate pins and needles. There is good anticipation; this is not it.
hear that breaking sound
Resigned to things having seemed so momentarily right, likely working out so wrong. Two months of being under constant stress, how can I justify that? How can I alleviate that?
It’s funny, in the sad irony way, to find out part of your own baggage is the fear that what you say and do will chase others away, so you don’t say or do, until you do…and chase others away.
the things that suck Olympics
….after a very long day, where you end up breaking and showing just how fragile you are, too, to be laying in bed, encouraged to talk about a serious and painful bit of your personal history… and have the person you’re talking to fall asleep on you.
Yes, he had the decency to both tell me and to apologize, and I know he’s exhausted – and for good reason (mind out of gutter, people, it’s been an emotionally draining week). And I’m still crushed and find myself bricking up a wall faster than you can say “vulnerable”.