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it’s always darkest before dawn – Life as an Extreme Sport
Life as an Extreme Sport

it’s always darkest before dawn

It’s sometimes hard for me to wrap my head around the idea that someone might see me as worth it. That I alone and in myself might be worth an effort, a risk. That I am more than a body holding a space for someone else, someone better. That the swirls of emotions and desires are things that I cause, rather than things I am a convenient outlet for. This…lack of belief in myself can cause problems, can pair with my doom and gloom to assume the worst while still holding out faint hope, just with the assurance it will be crushed.

I don’t know what to do in the face of it not being crushed, other than spread my arms wide and spin, ever so slowly; to sink to my knees in wonder; to awe that how I feel is a feeling returned.

One comment

  1. This short post took my breathe away. It’s almost uncanny how what you’re written describe my feelings. And you write so beautifully, too… I just wanted you to know you made my day.

    In case you were wondering, I found your blog when I was wondering if other people are as amazed by CTY as I am (I was a TA at Palo Alto this summer). I think CTY just attracts a large number of people who are excited by education and learning. It is this common interest which makes possible that, as you have written, “after only a week, it seemed like we had all known each other for years.”



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