I now know what I need to say, when, why and how. It won’t be the negative horror I was dreading and anticipating, but instead a loving conversation full of support and care.
Nice to see I can be so optimistic at 3am. Life, however, rarely works out to optimism, and things shifted at first very strongly towards the negative. There was talking, but the results were kind of grim. And then things took unexpected turns, and one expression of the desire to throttle later, things seem to be back on solidly firm ground.
Fear is such a strange and strong thing. It protects, but also hurts us in that effort to protect; shuts us down and away from what it is we want and need for the security of the safety of how things are. And we feel it, physically – the tightening of the body, the shoulders drawn inwards, the eyes looking down, the stomach clenched and muscles poised for flight. The relief that floods through you when you just close your eyes and take the risk to get what you want, need, is rather amazing. There is a physicality to it; I guess reinforcing the idea that there is no mind/body disconntect.
And as an aside, one should not cry when one has goth-raccoon eye make-up on. It’s just not attractive in any way,…