I’ve stopped asking when things will get good – I realize, after all, that there are good things going on, it’s just that I get overwhelmed at times and can’t see the forest for the trees. Or something wise like that.
It’s really more accurate to say that I’m trying to stop vocalizing the thought – I still have it, and often. Today is a great example of that. I woke up several hours later than I had wanted, groggy beyond belief. (Apparently, since not only did I reset my alarm, apparently, but eventually decided to unplug it from the wall.) I had over 100 email actually needing some moderate attention, because I basically ignored my computer last night. In that, there was email from my sister passing on a message from my mother that was heartbreakingly sad, several notes from former colleagues about the suicide of someone I knew professionally at UW, and a whopping single email from anyone I work with, my exec editor, in response to a question I mailed last night.
So I’m surrounded by death and feeling, at the moment, if I just packed up and left, it wouldn’t be noticed by anyone. (Or more realistically and accurately, if I turned off chat clients and shut down email, basically going on radio silence, it wouldn’t be noticed by most.) What a charming mood this puts me in.