Life as an Extreme Sport

so few sweet dreams

I took an ambien last night to sleep, something that will become more common the next few days while I reset my sleeping schedule. The resulting dreams were… unpleasent, to say the least. Nightlong dreams of trust and then the shock of betrayal; I know a lot of dreams feel nightlong, but it’s not too often, you groggily wake up through-out the night to note the time, and the dream progresses along with those waking ups. Strange that what was still probably only 5-10 minutes at the very most is so stuck with me now.

It was a dream of breaking up, of getting back together, happiness, and then utter and complete betrayal. Not just breaking up, but finding out about lie after lie after lie, sitting around a table with family and lawyers and just finding one thing after another ripped out from under me, belief after belief systematically destroyed. I would say “but you said” and the counter would be a calm “I lied because you made me.” “But you promised” – “I had no choice”, “Didn’t you ever…” – “No.”

And I wonder why I have trust issues.