Life as an Extreme Sport

Found Those Million-odd Pieces

Oh, I was doing so well until I wasn’t. But at least when I wasn’t, I was really committed to it.

I’m not sure what threw the anxiety into overdrive today, but by about 10am I was a quivering mess. And once again, it wasn’t so much the potential diagnosis as it was not knowing what was going to happen in the afternoon. I suppose my primitive brain assessed threats and figured that not knowing this afternoon was a more immediate concern than what may come from that test.

As for the biopsy itself – well, I had been tempted to live tweet it. Let’s all be grateful I didn’t, as I would have had to expose you to proof I’m a sailor’s daughter (I certainly swear like it), and then probably just would have slipped into somewhat mindless screaming. It seems that my cervix is as contrary as the rest of me, and a procedure that should have taken five minutes took closer to 25, and involved seeing stars at several points – and not the fun kind.

Never have I been so grateful for the deep breathing practices of my religion.

Of course, all this means is that the first step is done. The ob/gyn was honest: she’s not sure what’s going on, but the ultrasound images are concerning. The next step is the biopsy results, and from there we’ll figure out options. The results themselves won’t be in for a week, perhaps more at this time of year. I’ll call Thursday and she’ll either have the results or know when I should expect them.

Which yes, means that at minimum I have several more days of riding the roller coaster of anxiety, wondering if my bitchiness is the inherent or stress-induced variety, and trying not to overreact too much in the opposite “experience all the things” way.


  1. Thanks for the update. Keep ‘em coming.

    I’ve always liked your quotation widget. Is it just chance that today’s is “You have to live each hour as if it’s your last, and each day as if you were immortal”? The first part seems apropos, but the second part feels cruelly ironic at the moment.

  2. Thanks Jan.

    The quotes widget is actually randomized completely, and should refresh every time the page is refreshed. (I’m just low on quotes – it takes a lot for me to go YES ADD THAT!)

  3. Will be thinking of you and wishing the best. Let the temper or emotion come, and be aware you have friends no matter what happens, no matter what you do, no matter how you feel — and that they give strength in times of pain. You have suffered far too much K. I wish the best for you and am confident.

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