Life as an Extreme Sport

place the the “peace” sign pointing horizontally at your throat

I’ve got several large projects on my plate – larger than usual, anyhow, and on top of the normal chaos that has been my life these last couple of months. Since they all revolve around the written word, this is quite naturally the point at which I get slammed with severe writer’s block, so bad I actually feel like I’m spiraling into a black depression. While intellectually I realize it’s not that bad, the timing really does suck, and I rather dislike feeling so impotent, when words are normally one of my strongest assets.

So I’m working on the one project that doesn’t require me to be eloquent, or verbose, and in the project came across a post that still makes me grin, just because it’s the most delicious example of movie-style foreshadowing that never exists in real life, except it does. (I realize I have a lot of new readers since the last time I mentioned this, so I’ll just note that last year, I taught a symposium-style class on applied ethics and Stargate, and that would indeed be my comment edited in. Although it now makes no sense, since the image being used to illustrate the post is gone, but hey, that’s life on the internet.)

Nightstand Reading

An old friend is doing an art project, where she’s asked folks to take pictures of their nightstands, focusing on the books they’re reading. This is easy enough for me, since the only other thing on the nightstand that has my books is my alarm clock (hidden behind a stack of books to make it harder to get to in the morning, and so the annoying blue light doesn’t keep me awake at night), and a lamp that’s currently not working.

Looking at the list, it’s a bit more understandable why I am often such a cranky misanthrope…

as easy to make war as to make love, without considering the consequences

Many years ago, it was very unusual to see me without sunglasses on. Specifically, mirrored and reflective sunglasses that ideally wrapped around and covered my eyes, completely. I would reluctantly take them off indoors if I had to, and my penchant for wearing them day or night left me open to many Corey Hart-related comments.

Flipping through April’s issue of Discover magazine, I’ve come across an explanation for the behaviour that maps well onto my own insights into my character at the time, and it’s from an interesting source: Philip Zimbardo. You might recognize this name; he’s the social psychologist behind the infamous Stanford Prison Experiment. He has spent the time since making his career on the study and its fallout, and talking about what it means to be evil, and where is that line between being good and being, well, not.

According to him, part of that line is when we deindividuate one another, and transform our character into that which we are not, through the use of props, uniforms and actions. They specifically used mirrored, reflective sunglasses in the experiment because of their ability to hide the eyes, and the power it gave the “guards” to hide their reactions, maintain impassivity, and the powerlessness it gave the “prisoners”, who were missing the very natural and normal interaction and ability to see facial expression and mood modulation via the eyes.

Reflective, mirrored sunglasses as a way of securing a small bit of power in a situation – that sounds like the person I was those many, many moons ago.

But interestingly, I think that Zimbardo’s comments about deindividualization is applicable quite a bit more broadly than he might necessarily realize, or be applying it. His interest, of course, is prison/guard binary scenarios; he was most recently spending quite a lot of time talking about Abu Ghraib, for obvious reasons. But take this following statement, from the magazine:

Situational forces mount in power with the introduction of uniforms, costumes, and masks, all disguises of one’s usual appearance that promote anonymity and reduce personal accountability. When people feel anonymous in a situation, as if no one ia aware of their true identity (and thus no one probably cares), they can move more easily to be induced to behave in antisocial ways.

Remind you of anything – say, the internet? This is, I believe, one of the reasons we have people like O’Reilly advocating a code of ethics or behaviour for bloggers – a hopeful, but ultimately misguided notion. And it’s misguided for the very quote above: so you ban anonymous comments in the hope to force people into more civil discourse. What, then, prevents someone from creating an alter-ego online, someone who can do and say whatever because it’s not tied to “who they really are”? Absolutely nothing, save the hope for honesty. I feel pretty confident saying that if someone is going to be a twit anonymously, they’re going to be a twit with a false name that gives them the same anonymity as the anonymous username will.

The internet has been celebrated for being a place where you can escape the constraints of whatever social injustice you feel is perpetrated on you in, as my former adviser would have called it, meatspace. You can become whomever you want, leave your limitations behind, explore being whomever you dream of or desire being. And in some cases that might be a very good thing, but in others it’s not – and there’s no real way to balance the extremes, or at least to force people to balance those extremes, because it is built into the very nature of the medium.

People will always take advantage of the medium – any medium – to express their antisocial behaviour, if they’re so inclined. If we’re going to reduce the antisocial behaviour of the internet, we need to figure out a way to reindividuate people – and while the goal behind a code of behaviour is, indeed, noble, it’s not going to succeed in curing the problem it’s attempting to address.

the stories we tell

Who someone is or was can only be said if we know his or her story.
-Hannah Arendt

I took off my earrings before my nap today, and ended up just sitting in the chair looking at them for a while. Gold is soft, so I’m always afraid I’ll bend the delicate loops and wires that hold the pink pearls, blue crystals and light green beads in place.

They were a gift, these earrings. I bought them for myself, to go along with a dress for graduation last year. A splurge, completely over the top and more than I could afford, but a perfect match for my light blue dress, and occasionally you just have to do those things. But more than just the memory of the splurge is that of the store, a pretty little boutique in Seattle. I remember the sales woman spending quite a while helping me try on dresses, giving me feedback, complimenting me, simply talking to me. I can still see the layout of the store in my mind’s eye, the face of the woman who helped me, the funky curtained dressing room, and the pretty little odds and ends scattered through-out.

I could tell you any number of stories, starting with these earrings and the connections they tie me to, through the store and items in it, not to mention the greater area and stories associated with it. They’re a gateway, linking times and places together.

Laurie and I were talking yesterday, and I realized that it’s been eight years since the last “open” presidential race, when McCain ran and seemed like such a viable candidate. And I realized this not by counting where we were in the election cycle, but by figuring out what I was doing then, what my history was, what the story was. Of remembering sitting around a table debating with other people in my district, of feeling like an active participant in the government for the first time. I connected to my past through the stories I formed…

Eight years.

Did you know that every cell in our body has been replaced in seven years time? That we are quite literally not the same physical body of a person we were then? And what other changes are there – many, I’m sure.

Paul Ricoeur talks about time and narrative, saying that narrative is what preserves that worth remembering. I think that’s right, but a little narrow – I think that narratives, telling stories, gives us a way to stay connected with ourselves, especially in the shape of such rapid change. It is that which helps us define who we are, and who we believe we are. We tell stories to ground ourselves, to define ourselves, to position ourselves in place and time. To paraphrase Ricoeur, our identity is in the stories we tell one another.

I think this is why I don’t mind it when people repeat stories. By repeating something, they are emphasizing its importance to them, and I think are also giving way to define themselves and the context to their life. When someone tells me something they already have, I seldom will say anything; although the story is the same, the situation might be different, and being used to tell a different story than was starting out.

And besides, telling that story? It’s communicating, it’s connecting, building intimacy and trust. Sharing our narratives ends up wrapping the other person into a newer narrative, and so it goes.

validation

I’ve been slowly cleaning and organizing my office the past week or so, spending half an hour in the morning and another 30 minutes or so at night just filing and rearranging so that things are intuitively easier to find. This morning I came across my letters of recommendation for graduate school, so let myself have a read – hee! It’s such awesome validation to see what people think about you. I’m so shiny in these letters – and maybe scariest of all, I’m starting to believe at least some of it.

Nice ego boost to start the day with.