Life as an Extreme Sport

Author: Kelly

home

blog as therapy, University of Washington

I wondered what it would be like, returning to Seattle after nearly 9 months gone. What would I feel when I saw the familiar city skyline that I can trace in my sleep, when I drove down roads I used to see daily, walk the paths at the University of Washington, go to the places I literally spent more time than anywhere else the past three years of my life.

When I saw the skyline, I felt the twinges of the familiar, but it didn’t call home. The mountains are beautiful, covered in snow, and I remembered how much I miss that form of beauty around me, but at the same time, I found myself missing the broad, open skyline that I first fell in love with in Reno, and found again in Albany. The waves at the waterfront lapped against the dock, and tugged at my heart and imagination, but not enough to pool any regret.

But at the same time, I discovered home in places I would have never thought to look. In a short, spiky bobbed hair cut and infectious laugh, and in blue eyes. In laugh-lined eyes circled by glasses. In tight hugs that ended too soon, tickled by scruffy beards, and the comfort of being able to relax into someone, safe and warm.

In not enough kisses, and too many tears.

Home caught me off guard, not being in a place, but being in people.

I know you’re scared that I’ll soon be over it
That’s part of it all
Part of the beauty of falling in love with you is the fear you won’t fall
It hasn’t felt like this before
It hasn’t felt like home before you
And I know it’s easy to say but it’s harder to feel
This way
And I miss you more than I should than I thought I could
Can’t get my mind off of you

validation

Academics, AMBI, Bioethics, University of Washington

I spent a while with my former adviser/mentor yesterday, and it was weird, and it was good. In some ways, I felt a sort of closure that I didn’t in June. He was honestly surprised I’d made it through everything grad school and the universe threw at me in my first 6 months, not because he thinks little of me, but because he thought it was simply too much to ask any one person to cope with. I reminded him that he told me, several years ago, after the death of one of my closest friends, that life never got easier – you were always juggling, and what counted was how well you juggled.

“I said that?” he said, very puzzled. “Yep.” “Well, it does sound like something I’d say, I’m just surprised I would have said that then…”

But the thing that he said that actually really, really meant a lot, was when we were in the car driving over to meet some other folks. I was telling him about the opportunities I have at work, and the people I’m working with, and some of the more general stuff I’ve been doing. He paused, and said he hoped I realized that for how bad the first bit was, I actually sounded like I was integrating in faster than most graduate students do when they make the move I did, and that what’s being offered and given to me, I should take as one of the greatest validations of, well, me, that I can get.

I admit to laughing it off and telling him that no, really, it’s just that they needed a warm body with at least part of a brain, and I managed to fill both those requirements, but he didn’t let me get away with it, and forced me to acknowledge that I do realize how lucky I am. But for him, it was more than that – he really did want me to see it as validation. I guess he’s still concerned about my confidence (or general lack of it). I think he was trying to say “see, CHID isn’t the only place that thinks you’re pretty cool.”

It all kind of ended abruptly, last year, rocky and rough and not…how I would have liked. And I think I finally got what I wanted, what I needed. I’m not sure I can articulate what that was, only that it was.

the office is out on a morale retreat, please call back later

...and everything else, blog as therapy

I like how Sandra sums this trip up: a morale retreat. And oh, has it been. Surprisingly, I don’t find that I miss Seattle – and this is truly a surprise. I miss aspects of it, sure, and I definitely and heartwrenchingly miss the people, but the city itself? Notsomuch.

But I realized today, over beer, that I have had more physical contact with people today than I have had since I left Seattle, in June 2006. Literally from the moment I met up with Lizzy for lunch, I have been hugging, touching, kissing, leaning against, on, or over people. Reaching out to brush hair out of someone’s face, running my fingers through a scruffy beard, rubbing a back, patting, hands resting together.

This is what I miss.

wait, will physical therapy help?

Academics, Bioethics

As we have already discussed, the AHA has released some truly mindbogglingly short-sighted recommendations on how to treat all chronic pain patients, which basically boils down to “what pharmaceutical options?” But I didn’t share the truly funny part about this last night, which is that earlier this month, a couple of gynecologists released the results of a small study suggesting that ibuprofen is ideal at treating dysmenhorea, more commonly known to people (okay, women) as extremely painful periods.

As I quipped to Daniel in email, this would appear to fall under the AHA guidelines for a chronic pain being improperly treated. Perhaps these women should try physical therapy, instead.

Less tongue-in-cheek, these two articles actually highlight a large issue that surrounds the whole notion of doing studies and releasing results in the first place. There is often very little coordination between different organizations, which leads to a mismatch of recommendations that end up leaving the average patient very confused (and frankly, sometimes I wonder about the average doctor, too). This is a larger scale example of the same thing that can affect patients who see multiple physicians: poor communication leads to contradictory, conflicting, and at times dangerous treatment combinations.

We have got to start working together and reaching across disciplinary boundaries to expand our knowledge, rather than staying within our insulated worlds and not considering how our professional words and actions are going to impact others.

one augmented human

...and everything else, 2004, Academics, Autumn 04, CHID 370, University of Washington

Laurie is my goddess. She overnighted me both my copy of Microsoft Office, and my backup discs of writing. I now have a large chunk of my life back on my computer, that has been missing since the hard drive was wiped in December.

I’m in the process of reorganizing how I store my documents, and organize the data in those folders. And in that process of reorganizing, I came across this paper, written several years ago for a cultural communication/technology class taught by the guy who went on to become my adviser. It’s interesting to read it again, going on three years after writing it, and see how much and how little my writing has changed.