Long conversations, yesterday and today. The drained feeling from yesterday, the lurking despair at an inability to communicate, lifted quickly. Lingering remnants melted with the early morning conversation, before sleep. Precious words, doled out with such care and thought; I wait, I long to hear again. Eager with anticipation, trembling with desire… I sound like a bad romance novel! True though it may be, there’s no reason to drip words like candlewax.
What would be useful for me is a reminder list for when I’m being such a goose, as I have been slipping into lately. A list for reassurance, comfort, security, trust. A convinient place where my own words can yank me back into place. It might change, be added to – I almost hope he’ll tell me what I should list that I’ve forgotten.
– He has extended you a line of credit, do everyone a favour and don’t abuse it.
– He cares about you, and always has. He wouldn’t be here if he didn’t.
– He won’t risk your physical safety; remember how he tears up at the thought. His choice is partly coincidance, but it’s also partly choice. Be thankful and appreciative of this kindness and caring.
– He doesn’t want to hurt you emotionally. If you are hurting, tell him, but be able to justify why.
– If you’re telling him why you’re upset, give him a chance to make ammends. He doesn’t have to act on things that make you upset! If he wants to, let him!
– He didn’t want to live with or have anything serious or long term with ‘the other women’ even though that’s what they wanted with him – he is seriously considering both with you, and depending on the day and mood wants both very much. Stop being insecure about this!
– He wants to be your friend. He wants to be your lover. He has shown no reason why he cannot be either, and deserves your complete trust. (As he gave you credit, you give to him.)
– He loves you.