It’s been strange. I really didn’t think of you at all last week; in fact, the only time you came to mind was when I realized that I hadn’t been thinking of you. I guess that’s the blessing of staying busy – and have I ever. Work takes the usual ton of my time, and I’m working on improving my social life. Not in great leaps and bounds, but I went to the movies with David and Diana (gaming buddies) Friday evening, and that was fun. Add dinner with the NetCfg folks a few nights last week, and gaming on Saturday, and it was a busy week. Unfortunately, stressful as well.
Friday was particularily bad; I actually went and got a bit drunk to take the edge off of dealing with Krishna – as William said today, there is a problem if I have to medicate myself to deal with the dev manager. Heh. Still, with dinner and movie with friends, (and alcohol beforehand) I was fine… today, tho. Today was another story. It wasn’t anything truly work related…
The general manager is holding a party tomorrow; salsa dancing, food, beer, etc. They sent out the invite last week, and we were all thrilled. And then today, four of us receive an eMail saying “we’re very sorry that your names were accidentally added to this mailing, which was only for full time employees…” For some reason, that just shattered my resolve, my strength. Then I missed you. Then I felt all the pain and loneliness, saw some of my behaviour for what it truly has been.
Did you know – no, of course you wouldn’t know – I haven’t changed my sheets yet? I bought myself new cotton sheets to replace the flannels with (so I can finally wash the flannels), yet hadn’t found the time to swap everything out. Last night I began to wonder – have I not changed them out because I don’t have the time, or because they smell like you? Can you believe I actually smelled my sheets? Ha!
After reflecting on it this afternoon, I realized that it’s not so much the scent of you that has me unwilling to change these sheets. It’s the fact that they are warm, they cuddle around me and provide a safe nest. Much like what you used to do for me, and what you did for me in that bed, with those sheets.
New sheets will be cool, cold, crisp. Impersonal. A lot like my life at the moment.