I’ve just had what I’m sure is the first of many of this particular type of experience: not completely understanding an academic subject, but curious enough to engage, and put myself out enough to ask questions (clearly labelling myself as a novice looking to learn), and basically got shut down with a “no” and nothing else.
The most frustrating thing is that, from reading further comments, I do actually understand precisely what they’re saying, and what I was saying is not unrelated or wrong, it’s just not said right, if that makes sense. I don’t hold the language-fluency necessary to communicate my particular thoughts on the matter. I realize this is my CHID education biting me, and I realize this is going to come up again and again.
I just wonder, 3000 miles away from CHID, will I have the strength of will to continue putting myself out there and risk being wrong (and brusquely told so) in order to learn?
For what it is worth, I do realize that it’s normal to question your intelligence and ability to head off to grad school and do it, and that imposter syndrome is especially strong in women. I’m just dismayed to be feeling it already.
I have a feeling I’m going to be very quiet in Albany.